Friday, March 1, 2013

GOOD PARENT, an oxymoron?

Everybody knows how to raise a child, except the people who have them.
                                                                                                P.J. O’Rourke.

The above saying holds true, and the evidence is us – “The Parents”. It is true only because we know preaching is easier than following. Perhaps, it takes courage to raise children or maybe not. Parenting is fun when parents become children and grow simultaneously together. A little difficult task, but not an impossible one as everything depends on upbringing.

Parenting, traces its birth from marriage. Concerning on each other’s needs, developing a sense of acceptance, patience quotient, and all these qualities leads to a strong foundation to parenting. Woman sees her first child in her husband. When the actual parenting starts she sees no difference except the height and weight. Parenting is seen as a duty, and people tend to sacrifice many things which are actually not required. For example, the “Husband-Wife” factor disappears at the cost of parenting.

The stages of life have been defined and categorized into four stages. Infancy, Childhood, Adolescence and Adulthood. Parenting is needed in all these stages where everyone wants to be a perfect and an ideal parent, but unfortunately no one achieves that in the entire life time. Learning is a continuous process and mastering the same would require some effort. Here are few things that can take parenting to a better level.

Childhood is the building block upon which the later stages will be built. Hence stop uttering NO to your kid, because that creates bitterness and at the same time an eagerness to know about. Let them explore each and everything by themselves, make them realize what is important and what is not or the priorities; once this is mastered then everything else falls in place. Educate your children about self-control, to live with pride, respect ideals which takes their lives to greatest heights.

Adolescence stage, a bit difficult stage in upbringing; where they become independent. Here one has to be a strong parent besides being a friend. At the same time step aside and just be a simple listener, a good friend to confide, share your views but do not force your opinions. Nowadays kids outsmart the parents and they just need someone to be with and not on them. This goes vice-versa as well, when children are grown enough to educate others, they start to teach their parents; which most of the parents cannot accept, because parents have their own ideology and they refuse to change. As this goes either ways, both children and parent should draw a demarcation between the relations to keep them alive forever and respect each other’s ethics.

There should be a feel-good factor at home, when a situation goes haywire with the parents, it is advisable to control in a peaceful manner rather being violent or egoistic. This is how you model your children a valuable lesson in patience, understanding and solving a conflict. Ultimately, the psychology matters; how well the situation ended, positive approach leaves a satisfaction whereas the negative one goes with a scar.

Give your child a walker when trying to walk, give them feathers when they want to fly, but do not snatch their feathers just because you are afraid of your child getting hurt; because it is impossible to protect them from disappointment at all stages of life. Ample communication, tons of trust, loads of love are the assets of healthy parenting. The moment children and parent relation turns trustworthy, then it is impossible to break the bond at any cost.

To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, it is very important to be in their lives today. As Learning knows no limit – keep learning and Happy Parenting!!! 
                                                                                                  By a Learning Parent,
                                                                                                  Anitha S

Friday, November 30, 2012

The Braveheart's Better Half And Their Aspirations

 Army Wife – It is not my status, it is my Life Long Promise to Him.

Every individual soul is ambitious, so as women aspiration that breathes the desire every second and subsists with the hope to plant them in the society. The fair sex always finds it hard to understand and tend to make their counterparts weak and demeaned. As the debate continues for centuries together, it is women who adds colours to life and make their importance in the life of a man.

When a lady marries a soldier, she marries the entire fraternity, their culture, ethics and the battle-ground too. She holds the hand, vows to be together until death and also vows to share her husband with the nation. The novel environment always welcomes the new bride with the warm regimental traditional way which becomes a memory of a life time. For me, the welcoming was little new as they moved me to a Bengali family, didn’t show my husband for two days, followed with the traditional exchange of vegetable garlands with our hands cuffed, a safari in a vegetable vendor cycle, a punctured cycle ride, a hot seat question session, a warm introduction, ended with a beautifully decorated room for us with no curtains. Welcome ranges from tank to JCB which every army wife has experienced, though weird or warm, it is a story to be treasured.

The soldier’s wife enters a new life with aspirations, dreams, ambitions, hope, desires and what not. The Army environment is fortunately a cheering platform that kindles the hidden talent. People around her always lend a hand whenever she falls or fails to visualize what lies within her. There are places where, there is ample room for improvement and participation. On the other hand, in remote locations where it is hard to find even a phone signal, the same ambitions might seem to be shattered but the fire neither it evaporates nor it dies, stays in dormant state and tends to trial the hopeless. 

It is the duty of the soldier’s wife to stand with her husband in every step, to be brave at every point of life and cultivate the same to her fellow families as well. Being a soldier’s wife is a challenging task besides a daughter, mother, sister and a friend. Always ready to pack and move, never gets tired of house-warming as mine crossed 12 houses in 8 years of marriage, excluding the guest room stays. She wears no medals, no uniform, works selflessly, party’s hard, prays piously, portrays herself as a brave-heart but cries like a child where duty separates the family. When there is a gamble between togetherness and aspirations, the soldier’s wife sacrifices the later, as she values the same.

There is a deep belief which is rooted strongly within her - that aspirations can be achieved well with the supporting hands when you are true to yourself and the environment. Her feet follows the soldiers’ wherever duty calls, be it a rugged mountain terrain, or a snowy altitude, or a posh lively city, or a hilly chilly milieu because it’s where her heart stays. The environment, situations, moulds the women and provides ample freedom to stand alone at any given state of affairs. There are times where she has to swallow the pain alone, long for a hug, walk in solitude, but the hope doesn’t vanish off because a soldier’s wife falls apart, but tries to put together and takes pride in saying – I am a brave-heart’s better half.

                                                                                                           By a soldier's wife,
                                                                                                           Anitha S.


Monday, November 26, 2012

Everyone Needs Someone

The wise are instructed by reason, average minds by experience,
the stupid by necessity, and the brute by instinct.
                                                            Marcus Tullius Cicero

“Everyone needs someone” – starts from crib to grave and when ponder upon, it continues to amaze and perplex mankind. For instance look at our universe, earth needs the sun to revolve around to complete a day, a month and a year. Sometimes, survival becomes traumatic when there is none to cling on and at the same time when we gaze around, everything needs a bond and everyone owes something to each other.

A child needs her mother to nurture, to help in taking her first steps, to grow with her as her need grows, want someone to hold her hands for the first day school. Wife needs her husband to love and to ascend with her when there are tides in life. A hospitalized patient would long for the company of her loved one, similarly wrinkles need a listening soul and a comforting hand for the last steps; dark needs light, sorrow needs happiness, drought needs rains, and everything goes vice-versa. 

Every step in life needs a ladder in any form. A teacher in school days, a mentor in teen days, a guide in youth days, a listener in old days, reminds of the step-ladder that lifted everyone in every single stages of life. Success, a taste of blended efforts and people which needs a continuous someone to dangle on. This also edifies survival with pride and honour that supplements the human soul with loads of confidence.

Falling in love never gets old for me. It is always fascinating to be in love and to be loved. People say that love vanishes when necessities piles up, but when you take a sneak peep, it is all about priorities. Love priorities amongst necessities, but love always resides somewhere which just needs time and togetherness to get refreshed at any point of time in life. As years pass by, the intensity of love increases with intimacy and at the end of the day all it matters is about being a right partner.

We dwell in relations most of our life time and always look forward for a home, where the heart stays. Being in a relation is required to fulfill each other’s physiological and psychological needs, and to say good-bye to solitude. Necessity knows no law and never made a good bargain. When we talk about necessity- it is not about the poor who is in need of survival, it is dealing with the need, it is about the want, the desire, the fancy, the hunger, the yearn which every soul hankers for. Be it white or black, rich or poor, man or beast, everyone needs someone. Everyone means the entire population which has you and me as well, but who cares about the “entire everyone”. It is always dealing with our near and dear, kith and kin, beloved neighbours and caring well-wishers.

It is effortless to be everyone at all times, but being the “someone” needs lot of whole heartedness with a tinge of love and affection. Finding someone among everyone is indeed not a difficult task for a needy heart which tastes triumph one day, because at all point of time in life - everyone needs someone.

                                                                                                         A Someone,
                                                                                                         Anitha S.